Misadventures in Atlanta

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 8:30 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All I believe it is harder to maintain a relationship than recruiting a person.. Women need to learn the art of keeping a dude.. If the mofo don’t call you when he said he would, and you know this mfer has potential, charge that to the game. Stop nagging these dudes and having an attitude about him not calling or stopping by like he said he would. Phuck that! Make yourself different than the next chick!

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 8:38 AM | Link to this

Morning it is harder to “retain” a relationship that to “recruit” one. IMO, most people tend to put their absolute best out to get that top shelf guy/girl and then will start to fall off when they get comfortable. When you get sloppy, all you’re doing is leaving the door open for the next to come in and show owt on you.

People who expect a flawless relationship are also clearly flawed in their thinking. Anything worth having is worth working for, relationships inclusive.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 8:46 AM | Link to this

i think that me and some dude going to have a problem

i heart me some NYCUTIE!!!!!….that lady is some G for er body

@cum

and that folks will sum up the 200 post that will follow…thats good G

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2009 8:50 AM | Link to this

Morning Both, recruitment and maintenance, are equally important. If you value one more than the other, then it’ll show in the effort you put forth for each. One of the main problems with rectuiting efforts is that lots of people are seeking candidates with more qualifications than the role requires, but don’t want to pay for it.

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 8:56 AM | Link to this

Do you think that relationships today focus too much on what the other person brings to the table instead of what we each bring to a relationship?

I think that there should be some focus on both but there also needs to be a balance with regards to said focus. Personally, I would like to be with a man with whom I’m equally yolked and upon entering the “serious” phase of a relationship this should definitely be evaluated. I think what you bring to the table is also part of what yuo bring to the relationship be in something tangible(education,assets,job,etc) as well as the relative(feelings,emotions,attraction,etc.)

Unfortunately there are some who value what the person has more than the person themselves and that can make a person feel used,bitter and disillusioned.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 9:00 AM | Link to this

One of the main problems with rectuiting efforts is that lots of people are seeking candidates with more qualifications than the role requires, but don’t want to pay for it.

there is a cost for everything….i agree totally

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 9:06 AM | Link to this

WD
This topic is the Shiznit!!

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 9:06 AM | Link to this

If folks apply the “never stop dating” philosophy that a lot of married people use then I feel the retention rate would be higher.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

February 26, 2009 9:08 AM | Link to this

Morning All!! I say maintaining is a beast. It reminds of that line from Love Jones when Savaughn says something along the lines of “falling in love is the easy part, somebody tell me how the hell to stay there”. Its already been said, people put their best foot forward so the recruiting is easy. Like Dreams said though, they should go hand in hand (recruiting and maintaining), keep up what you start.

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 9:10 AM | Link to this

Also, people need to stop going into relationships believing that they can change an individual..

Cumfort I concur!

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 9:19 AM | Link to this

What a partner is expected to bring to the table has been talked about so much on here and among associates I asked Mason one evening what is it that he expected me to bring to the table when we got married. He responded saying “a hot meal on the regular. now feed me.” I told him to be serious and he said he was being serious. It’s a table and it’s where we eat. I continued to badger him as I was preparing our dinner. He said something like “I am hungry give me what I need.” I cant remember what we had for dinner that night but when I handed him his plate and we said grace he started pointing out the three items on his plate and what each provided for the body. He was talking nourishment, vitamins, immune boosters, longevity and a bunch of other stuff. Then he applied them to our relationship or relationships in general as it pertains being nourished with love, support and respect. And the feel good which I do remember him referring to the caramel brownies that were baking in the oven. LOL

Now on to my opinion on the top in general…Recruit and Retain.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 9:19 AM | Link to this

Here’s another thought If I am determined to keep my man happy. If my man is determined to keep me happy, aren’t we both happy? I do believe that some people are too quick to exit their relationships if/when the turn-around is as immediate if they would have it be. Some things just take work. If you’re in a workable relationship work out the kinks and keep it flowing. Nobody can promise you a seamless relationship, there will be valleys and peaks throughout. Are you quick to break during a valley and just along for the peaks? CHURCH!!

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 9:20 AM | Link to this

The manual that I would have written at 18 would have been been appropriate until I reached about 26…the one I would have written at 26 would have been appropriate until I reached the age of 35…the one I would have written at 35 would have been appropriate until I reached 40…and the one I have been writing since 40 is still under revsion in my lat 40’s.

The POV that I have had about relationships has changed so much over the years. Some of the core ideal values are the same but more clearly defined as to why these things are essential…one thing that has evolved more cleary for me it that I am more focused on my emotional well being in any relationship…since that is what I can control…not the other or the intentions of the other…just me, so it is my first and foremost priority…as I will not tolerate unhappiness in my life due to relationship issues.

As far as which is harder…to recruit or to retain…I think both can be equally challenging for different reasons…but of course, if you can not “recruit” then it follows that you can not “retain”…lol…and if you can recruit but not retain, then some serious introspection is needed to determine why…and if it is a pattern…then self is the only constant in each situation…so follow the yellow brick road…and start at the beginning.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 9:29 AM | Link to this

@cum…your 9:19 needs to be sent to alot of folks…men and women…that is does deserve a CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 9:29 AM | Link to this

Retention is harder. It takes work that people don’t want to do. Or they get in and become disillusioned cuz it’s not what they’d decided it would be. Unrealistic. Reminds me of a job hunter who kills the interviews only to get the job and constantly complain, ready to bail. It’s like he’s hungry enough to show he can get the job, but too lazy to excel at it. The focus should be on performing the work well.

melo & dan…reading is fundamental and crack is whack. My rant was lost on you. Who’s worried? I’m vexed. When hangin w/ the fellas I expect and accept talk about women being “raw,” but I reject disrespectful. I’ve let it go, boo boos. See, now it’s gone :)

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 9:31 AM | Link to this

Nobody can promise you a seamless relationship, there will be valleys and peaks throughout.

I think this applies to life in general,however, adversities in relationships can serve as a litmus test of sorts b/c you can truly see the type of character your S.O.has. If they’re willing walk through the valley with you then you know you have a true partner but if they split when sht gets tough then you also know what you had was false and tricksy. I think the walks through the valleys can bring people closer together b/c when you’re on top of the peak everything is easy and sometimes important yet simple things can get forgotten or taken for granted.

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2009 9:37 AM | Link to this

Rell True there is a cost for everything. Problem is people always want the “hook-up”, even in relationships. They tryna get something good for the low. Recruiting doesn’t work that way. Think about cats who recruit for the military. You never hear them come at you with some “Hey join the military just because.” They always come at you with what they can offer you, food, shelter, exposure to the world, college education, skills you won’t learn anywhere else, the whole nine. Til you be like, “Damn, that sounds good.” lol No matter what objection you have, they always have a comeback for how the military is really in line with what you believe.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 9:40 AM | Link to this

i can’t sleep, the garbage man is making too much noise and i have a headache. it must be that time.

ugh! getting some coffee. brb.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 9:41 AM | Link to this

the gems are dropping today

mytwocents just wrote a blazing post

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 9:42 AM | Link to this

mytwocents…My rant was lost on you why Rant? If u have to rant about the diss,u were hanging in the wrong circles.Upgrade.U will still find dudes u dont vibe with even in the higher echelons,but the non-accord(s) is/are agreable and cordial. Hang with the ghetto squads and the words biatch,whorre etc come flying pretty quick whenever there is no agreement.Then u know,u stepped on the wrong shortties.We all do that smetimes.There are some chics out there too, with volcanos in der moufs!

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

This IS a great topic Wise Diva.

For me, retaining is MUCH more difficult than recruiting.

Do you think it is challenging for women to love men the way they want to be loved? How do men want to be loved? I still haven’t figured that one out. I do think it is challenging for me to accept the way that a man operates. What I mean by that is, when in a relationship and a man starts to do those things that men inherently do that annoy me - many times I step back and say ‘this relationship thing really isn’t worth all this’ and I emotionally remove myself. Of course that leads to the demise of the relationship.

Are we too focused on our mates being flawless? Personally, I don’t expect my mate to be flawless - just consistent. As much as possible be who you are - let me make my decision to be in relationship with you based on you. Not who you think I want you to be. And if your feelings, circumstances, desire to be with me changes - then tell me.

Do you think that relationships today focus too much on what the other person brings to the table instead of what we each bring to a relationship? I think we should focus on both. First and foremost I focus on what I can bring to the relationship. As I’ve stated before I look at a potential mate and ask myself what can I bring to his life. Conversely, I’m looking at what he’s bringing. Not necessarily what I ‘need’ but what I don’t want to deal with. Is he bringing a lot of drama/baggage from past relationships? Is he a wounded soul and am I in the mood to be Florence Nightingale? stuff like that…

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning Party People.

Well clearly the retention part is harder for your girl. I can catch em but those suckers are quick! Keep landing back in the sea. lol

We leave relationships we worked for because clearly they aren’t working for us. I don’t think anyone expects perfection, but I do expect compatibility and consistancy. I also require effort!

But I do believe one problem in relationships is that we do focus on our own selfish needs. Everyone is too busy looking out for themselves then what’s best for the team.

By Dan

February 26, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

To my mind recruiting and/or retention is like anything else in life….

what you make of it.

If you know you (wants, needs, will and won’ts), recruiting is easy. If you learn your partner, retention is easy.

If I know she doesn’t like x or y, why would I do it? I play my position, she plays hers, and all is well.

As for the person that wants to know how to “stay in love”, you cannot, it’s an impossibility.

What you can do is “stay in like”. That is learn to love your mate as a person and a friend. Romantic love is fleeting, it ebbs and flows. But that like, that like is the rock every relaitonship should be built on.

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

Sassy but if they split when sht gets tough then you also know what you had was false and tricksy I feel that. How about if they don’t actually split when sht gets tough, but instead they just complain and nag the sht outta you, constantly reminding you that they don’t like the fact that sh_t is tough. Cuz that’s the last thing a duded wants to hear when he’s out there bustin’ his azz to get ya’ll out of the tough spot. lol

By Fee

February 26, 2009 9:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

POV Retention is easy.. Retaining is where the work comes in. You have two different people at times coming from two different backgrounds, trying to mesh… You cannot look to someone to make you happy, complete, or whole. You must first be those things before you even venture into a relationship. No one person can meet all your needs. When looking into starting a relationship, its about what I can give to this relationship, not so much what you can get. But now a days, we have alot of selfish people. No one is willing to give first, for the fear of being taken. We are five fold (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial).. if a person cant meet you on some level in those areas, then that doesnt mean that person isnt good, their just not good for you. OVERALL Relationships are not microwavable. you must be willing to put time and energy into it, and not be willing to throw the baby out with the bath water. Some relationship could last if both persons are willing to make a true effort.

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 9:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. Retaining a potential date is easy. Retention, as is with a lot things, is much harder to secure. It takes work to maintain a relationship. Both parties must be willing to make each other, as well as themselve happy. Too many of us are not on the same page when it comes to dating. Jumpoffs, FWB, plain booty calls seems to be the norm for both sexes. Confusion lies in the intent of both parties in the beginning. A lot of wolfs in sheep clothing walking amongst us.

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 9:54 AM | Link to this

Sassy I hope you ain’t hurt nuthin’. Actually, I hope ya did…

Mo That’s all I kept hearing in my head as I read the topic!

Interesting you say that,Comfy. And that a male would agree. The tone here on Lollipop Lane is often that you just have to be happy within yourself period, almost like his actions should have little bearing on your state. While your happiness is not your partner’s total responsibility I don’t see how that’s not a major part of the gig. And it reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my closest friends -a dude- about the climax reinforces my theory that they really think they have us pegged. But they have no idea.

Y’all eat your breakfast tho. I wish I had time to frolic.

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 9:55 AM | Link to this

Mornin MELO…u had a good night?…hope you rested well :-)

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 9:58 AM | Link to this

But I do believe one problem in relationships is that we do focus on our own selfish needs. Everyone is too busy looking out for themselves then what’s best for the team.

DAYUM..guess you not that self centered after all…that is my view as well….mofo are just plain selfish now-a-days

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 10:00 AM | Link to this

Retention is harder. It takes work that people don’t want to do gOOD POINT 2cents..

and if you can recruit but not retain, then some serious introspection is needed to determine why GREAT POINT!!!! u been missing.The fire fighter dusting the cob-webs yet??????

Tazzee what i kinda sense from ur post is that u have early withdrawl symptoms!! No!!,thats not a sexxual connotation altho it cld be.U need to allow urself to be vulnerable coz luv demands that.If u cannot be vulnerable,u cant luv coz luv comes with hurt.The other party thats beginning to act like men inherently do that annoys me must know what they are doing to ur emotions so that u allow them to either care,or not care.Thats the work mytwocents is alluding to in her post.It goes both ways.If there is no wrk on both sides,there is no luv! If smething is really valuable to you,its worth fighting for.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 10:10 AM | Link to this

Good Morning!

Anything worth having is worth working for, relationships inclusive.

Retention is harder. It takes work that people don’t want to do. Or they get in and become disillusioned cuz it’s not what they’d decided it would be.

hmmm and I’ll add my on stamp/opinion to today’s topic;

Anytime a man OWNS whatever is going on in his woman’s life. I mean literally “show and prove”, and than you find yourself working hard too! When you stop ‘n think, “maybe, jus maybe, I need to put in more “production” and less receiving that’s how the relationship with sustain. All parties are working.

Do you think it is challenging for women to love men the way they want to be loved?

No. Men are not hard to love they way they want. Sometimes ‘we’ can make it complicated. Do you think that relationships today focus too much on what the other person brings to the table instead of what we each bring to a relationship? Yes! That’s why I’ve been out of the dating/relationship game for a looong time. But as of late that is not the problem at all! Finally!

By Elijah makes it Happen!

February 26, 2009 10:13 AM | Link to this

Hello good people of the blog world!

Co-sign with Leggs,

What is the intention of each party ( male/female)? So many people have their guard up and come in playing games that it is hard to get to the retention part of a relationship.

Retention means work, you have to work to retain anything in life. Keep your job, keep you kids in line! Make good financial decisions, etc.

Mr Nasty (aka Melo) are you going to keep it clean today? LOL

Shout-out to Sassy and leggs!

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 10:13 AM | Link to this

@Melo

Wouln’t you like to know…lol…I have been busy programming another database and also modifyng a previously programmed one as well…when I program databases, I get a one track mind going…totally focused, undivided attention…lol…and I had a great interview that ironically may put me back in the ATL.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 10:18 AM | Link to this

I think the walks through the valleys can bring people closer together

morning sweetheart! I slept like a baby,didnt do nothing!!..oh,thats what u expected anyway!! lol I wish it was u, beside me last nite coz we cld have just continued from where we left off.Another day,OKAY??!!.

U broght up a good point tho,above.When u burn in the pressure cooker together and uall there when u exit the smoke,blood and confusion preceding that,the blood and sweat bond is cemented.Nothing in lyfe is easy,relationships included.Men will be men and women wil continue to be women.As men,we are born with inherent weaknesses and we need the women folk to prop us up.Thats how God intended it(did i say god?).Now dont get ur degrees and good jobs and think,oh well, i can do it by myself and fake this iron mentality and atittude.U cannot phluck urself!! U can tho,shove an unnatural polysythentic thrombosis up ur canal,thanx to some clever money seeking enterpeneaur!!Its not the same feeling,thus the anger i talked about yester yester.Thats unfulfillment spewing out!! Allow the men u luv to mess up smetimes and u,as the female,u do ur job to steady the ship.Thats how God(there i go again!) designerd this.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 10:18 AM | Link to this

melo I hear exactly what you’re saying and I know I have to endure the crap to get to the supposed prize - but I’m not sure if the prize is worth it. Granted I’ve never pushed through to the other side - so unless I do, I’ll never know. But just having casual conversation with female friends that are married - coupled with getting hit on by married men every time I go out - I sit back and wonder if it is really valuable to me. When it’s good - it’s good, but when that mess goes south - it’s REALLY bad (relationships that is).

So in summary - I’m saying it’s all on me determining if a relationship is really valuable to me. And as I’ve said many times before - on the outside looking in - it’s not. So I just have to trust that I’ll run across the man/relationship where I can see a glimpse of the prize before I begin to wade through the crap.

By Dan

February 26, 2009 10:19 AM | Link to this

@My2

Of course your SO’s (in)action will have a bearing on how you feel and vice versa.

What I am saying is that when you know what pleases you or makes you happy, and you communicate that to your SO, you have to hold them accountable for that information. Likewise, when your SO tells you what makes them happy, you’re held accountable for that information too.

So in the context of “y’all against the world”, when problems do arise that affects the mood of one, the other should be there to assist in returning the SO back to a state of peace about things.

It’s a joint effort, but the owness in on the individual

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 10:20 AM | Link to this

btw

Mr. RELL Why/How are you co-signing what you have preached in here so many times?

you should sit back and enjoy the ones that have been receptive of the carrot.

By Dan

February 26, 2009 10:24 AM | Link to this

@Tazz

It’s called a leap of faith for a reason.

You’ll never know what it is, or isn’t, until you’ve tried.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 10:25 AM | Link to this

At the end of the day, I find great peace in knowing that I have a man that will hold me down, has my back through thick and thin. To me, that’s what a relationship is all about, the rest is hits and misses.

By FEE

February 26, 2009 10:28 AM | Link to this

@ Melo Did I finally rub off on you… smile* I knew you were like *GE you did have a softer side…

I think your intentions need to be known as well as your partners so there can be a level of understanding, and you both know what direction you are heading

@Dan I agree with you totally.

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 10:29 AM | Link to this

What I am saying is that when you know what pleases you or makes you happy, and you communicate that to your SO, you have to hold them accountable for that information. Likewise, when your SO tells you what makes them happy, you’re held accountable for that information too.

This is so true…and it is a vital component in a relationship with another person…it is not only essential to communicate these things but it is equally import to listen and make note of them as well…some ppl just do not do this effectively…and if these articulated points of personal comfort are not important then what is the point of being with another person?

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 10:32 AM | Link to this

i’ve been on both sides … working hard to keep what i have and selfish as a mofo what’s in it for beautiful? i enjoy working hard best more rewarding. being selfish is just not me AT ALL.

By FEE

February 26, 2009 10:34 AM | Link to this

POV I think so many times, we spend soooo much time on putting our best foot forward when we first meet a person, that we forget about putting the *True foot forward… and when the real person shows up the other person feels as if they are looking at a stranger…. thus causes a riff which could be permanent or temporary.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 10:34 AM | Link to this

Dan

In honor of AmRed - Duh! LOL, I know that. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that I’ve never pressed through to the other side, that’s not true. Rather the times when I did - wading through the crap just opened the door to more crap.

So again, I’ll have to see SOMETHING that will at least make me think it’s going to be worth it next time around.

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 10:37 AM | Link to this

At my age, I have a certain amount of patience and standards, if after the time that I give to trying to weed through the bullshyt to get to the realness of person and it doesn’t sit with me then I move on. I don’t have time nor want the time to change someone or teach them how to treat a woman. I can teach them how I like to be treated and give the same. if that doesn’t work then yes we cut our losses and move on. You can’t beat a dead horse and bring him back to life.

Life is too short to be hanging on to someone or a situation that isn’t working after an insurmountable amount of time. I am what I put forth and want to attract so its all relitive. Im not a petty person and don’t want perfection because there is no room to grow but if a man doesn’t have the basics about relationships then he can move on to the next one to get his lessons.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 10:37 AM | Link to this

@CEM…point taken..i will fall back!

By FEE

February 26, 2009 10:38 AM | Link to this

Should I leave or stay should be a question we ask ourselves in a relationship.

When someone can just walk out of your life that means they were not Vital to your future. anyone that is divinely connected cannot just walk away.

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 10:40 AM | Link to this

I would also not call looking out for oneself is selfish. it can be to a degree if you are all about me me me..but in a relationship self preservation is key also. You can be vulnerable and cautious if you have a great sense of self you won’t get caught between the two.

By FEE

February 26, 2009 10:41 AM | Link to this

Jazzy I agree… good thoughts

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 10:43 AM | Link to this

How about if they don’t actually split when sht gets tough, but instead they just complain and nag the sht outta you, constantly reminding you that they don’t like the fact that sh_t is tough.

Dreams I despise chicks like that…instead of rubbing her man’s head(either one) and telling him everything is gonna be okay she’d rather make the situation worse and throw water on a drowning man. That’s not someone with your best interest at heart and should not be on your team.

MELO I wish it was u, beside me last nite coz we cld have just continued from where we left off.Another day,OKAY??!!. Another day is cool….I like it when it rains :-)

*Mytwo He said I rode him like the devil

Elijah Goodmorning….what it do?

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

February 26, 2009 10:45 AM | Link to this

Let it be written….Staceye is actually speechless on a topic! Oh man….does that mean hell is really having a snow day? OMG!!!! LOL

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 10:46 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog Fam!

Beautiful - I did not see who won Top Chef, I kept falling asleep. I know Carla could not have because she bombed. Did you see it?

Hey Sister Cee!

M’Karyl - “Just when I think I’m out, they keep pulling me back in” Came from some movie! Come on back, you know you can’t stay away from the A!LOL!!

On Topic - I think recruiting and retaining are both hard today. A good person is hard to find and retaining can be a challenge, with everyone wanting instant gratification these days. But its kinda like recruiting a good employee. If you take great care in choosing the right “fit” up front, retention is much easier. And you need to find out very early on if the other person even WANTS to be RETAINED(committed to)LOL!!

I’ve stated before that I’ve had trouble “sealing the deal”. I have definitely taken a good hard look at myself, but I think my biggest issue was in the choices I was making. I did not do a good job of recruiting up front.

I do understand that any successful relationship takes work. But if you find yourself working so to the point of being tired, and I’ve been there, you have to question if its worth it. Why continue spinning your wheels?

Now that I am in a very successful relationship, I am finding that yes, it is work, but it is not hard, backbreaking work! It’s not the kind of work that leaves me emotionally and mentally exhausted. It’s the kind of work that leaves me feeling challenged in a good way, satisfied and exhillarated at the end of the day! The highs outweigh the inevitable lows and make each party want to come back to work the next day. Its fulfilling work!LOL!!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 10:50 AM | Link to this

In honor of AmRed - Duh!

Tazzee, it really is a usefully little phrase, isn’t it? lol

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 10:52 AM | Link to this

Jazzy Hey Lady! Good stuff…

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 10:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning to you too, Elijah.

I now have to co-sign with the blogger who said “the walks through the valleys can bring people closer together.” Yes, it is these walks that help solidy the foundation for “retention.” These walks can easily make or break a relationship. As always, it’s up to the “intent” and the “content” of each person’s character that will help sustain a relationship.

By i'm swiss

February 26, 2009 10:54 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Staceye Whatchu wanna talk about, then?

On topic: Recruitment vs. Retention? Well, I’d say the two pretty much go hand-in-hand. That is, if you target the right kind of recruits for you, then that whole retention part becomes much more manageable.

I don’t know, it doesn’t seem that complicated to me. Find someone you like, respect & connect with, then treat that person the way you’d like to be treated yourself. The real trick is in the willingness to put your mate at least on par, if not ahead of yourself. JMO.

Wait… did I just go through a whole post w/out making a stupid joke or sexually suggestive remark? Staceye — hell just might be having some flurries… LOL

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 10:55 AM | Link to this

Sassy why don’t you holla at melo offline…if cause we could care less..Im just saying…save the hate post back to me ..but gee wiz…

By lace

February 26, 2009 10:57 AM | Link to this

I have no problem recruiting but retaining seems to be a delimena lately, maybe I need to dip a little deeper into my retainer fund: check attitude, brush up on my communication style, be a little more generous, and teamwork is a start.

Why do we leave a relationship that we worked so hard to have? If your the only one working hard at it then you need to keep it moving.

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 11:00 AM | Link to this

TAZZ Hey baybeh hope you are well!!!

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 11:03 AM | Link to this

@Kimmie

yeah kinda strange…I interviewed for a position here in Norfolk with the lightrail project…was real close to being selected…but the woman who interviewed me also has a connection with the Beltway Project in the ATL…so she wanted to send my resume to her counterpart there for a data management position…she has already interviewed me here (just left the ATL doing some there)…so it is a good shot…also applied for a position with the CDC…funny, had to leave the ATL to find the right job opps…lol

By Binford2K9

February 26, 2009 11:03 AM | Link to this

Both! The older I get, the smaller my “box” gets. Then when you find a person that may fit in the box, they leave something in the toilet early on or have “problems” that I’m really not ready for yet that derail the Like Train.

Someone doesn’t have to be flawless, just not expose me to things I shouldn’t a)ever be exposed to or b) at least not for a while when it doesn’t matter so much.

By Blow Me

February 26, 2009 11:05 AM | Link to this

Good Morning

Great Topic! I’ll co sign with the other 30 posters.

Ceemeeli Your post was on point 10:10 sizzlin hot! Now you got me wanting to play that number lol! 1010 strait box! lol

You guys have summed it up quite nicely.

Retention is definitely the most hardest because of a few reasons. You truly don’t get to know the REAL person into you are fully in. Then from there alot of times either you or them have been bambazooled, hoodwink— if you will. Mostly and commonly people are not truly dating that character..Too caught up on the facade and the butterfly effect.

To All You all are bringing the damn heat today…wow!!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 11:06 AM | Link to this

If I am determined to keep my man happy. If my man is determined to keep me happy, aren’t we both happy

Comfort, not necessarily. I have a friend whose husband wants to have sex every night. He might give her a night off, but he’s gonna want it the next night. She does it because it makes him happy, but she really wants a rest. Now, he could maybe cut it to a couple times a week, but then he wouldn’t be happy. She’s happy that he enjoys having sex with her, and she’d be LESS happy if he strayed. So that’s why she allows this arrangement rather than the alternatives.

That being said, sometimes the things that will make the other person happy fly directly in the face of the things that would make you happy.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 11:10 AM | Link to this

DAYUM..guess you not that self centered after all…

Rell, maybe if you took the blinders off, you would have reached that conclusion eons ago.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 11:11 AM | Link to this

good morning kimmie! i didn’t, we cheated. we watched damages instead. and i ain’t tellin’ you either. lol. catch the rerun. stop … i see you googlin’. lol. i’m happy for carla. she will be successful, no doubt.

jazzy you stoled my thought on this issue. weeding through the masses to get to the ONE. i’m down.

lace i will not be the only one putting in an effort. co-sign.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 11:15 AM | Link to this

sex every single night!!! i personally can’t do it … SHE can’t do it.

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 11:16 AM | Link to this

Relationships/retaining them especially marriage are about compromise..he wants sex all the time you don’t, you want those fly red shoes, he wants to save more money…he wants a new car…you want to wait a year…whats important is that you have a meeting of the minds ..relationships require a certain amount of submission and compromise from both parties to sustain them. The benefit is you grow closer as a unit or ‘1’…you become solid and know which battles are worth fighting and which to just move on from.. Anything worth having will require work..nothing worth having in life comes easy..the good thing is you can learn and grow and not repeat the same mistakes..on to the next phaze and lessons to be learned for you both.

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 11:18 AM | Link to this

kimmie i’m not saying carla won … or am i? lol.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 11:18 AM | Link to this

blinders???

By DreamsMaterialize

February 26, 2009 11:20 AM | Link to this

Sassy I despise chicks like that…instead of rubbing her man’s head(either one) Exactly! Gotta dismiss those from the team. That kinda sh_t can drive a dude crazy. I see you got the right solution though.

ARed She does it because it makes him happy Does he know this is why she does it? I would appreciate the effort on her part, but it would suck to know that my girl wasn’t into it like I was.

Staceye I know you’re not speechless. Let me take your temperature. lol

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 11:22 AM | Link to this

@ Rell okay! You’ve said it every withcha way ‘cept with sugar on top.

“Show and prove”

give you an example of someone that had a haaaard time getting out of the cocoon/shell to do what’s really their “stello” anyway!

Couple weeks ago while out shopping for more basketball practice gear for the little’n, I notice something my SO would like and I wanted to buy for him. Thing is initially it wasn’t in the budget at the time, only budgeted for what I needed and hair appointment.

Here we go…In one hand I got this “budgeted” money for kid’s bb gear, and in the other hand I got money for my hair, nails,…yada, yada, okay? I’m looking at the gear (it’s in my hand at this point) then lookin’ at the hair money…look back at the clothes. Even went over to look in the fitting room’s mirror at my hair. Decided; “get the stuff and forget hair”! My hair lookin’ superfly ‘n dime tight (who gives a flip) really? He wasn’t’ after my hair anyway! But where the real meat is, is when I give it to him and keep that nugget about “I let my “hair do” ride” for a minute so that I could do a lil some some for him, is cold.

It really isn’t about me, him, the clothes, missing my hair appointment, or if he’d give me adoration for the thought (‘n he will). With me it’s simply about going out on the limb a lil, and letting that build over, and over, and over, for the sake of the relationship. It takes me to tell you how I get gansta bout something when I KNOW someone is really serious about me.

I’on now, maybe that doesn’t work. But im’a blame you! hahaha

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 11:24 AM | Link to this

M’karyl - You gotta leave to come back, is that not crazy? I was born and raised here and that’s always been the case with the A! In fact, me & my sister are about the only ones out of all my friends & family who did not leave & were able to find good job opportunities. My sister kinda lucked out and I was just stubborn as a mule(heck, you gon hire me!)

Speaking of the CDC: I have a very good friend that I went to UGA with that is an epidemiologist/researcher there. She majored in pharmacy and started her career there, lived in Virginia, Lousiana & Miami FL before coming here & been here the last 10 years. Anyway, she told me a lot of their scientists and other talent will be retiring in the next 3 to 5 years. She says she has SO MUCH TROUBLE finding qualified applicants, and she takes applications from all over the country! She said most don’t have the education and if they do, they have zero experience or can’t fill out the govt application correctly! A prime example of the INSTANT GRATIFICATION that people expect today! One thing my parents constantly drilled in my head - THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS!!! Wee’ve almost lost an entire generation! There is a great need for people in Public Health, Nursing(always), Phamacists, and General Surgeons. Other than the General Surgeon obviously, most require about 2 years education beyond the bachelors or a masters. So please encourage any young people you know this is where the NEED is and the JOBS are! Get serious about education! As Prez Obama said the other night, just a high school diploma is not going to cut it anymore.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this

really diggin the discussion so far today, goodness, great great comments!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 11:26 AM | Link to this

Does he know this is why she does it? I would appreciate the effort on her part, but it would suck to know that my girl wasn’t into it like I was.

Dreams - I don’t know. But what doesn’t change his his urge. It may suck that she’s not as into it, but it probably also sucks wanting to have sex but declining because you want her to be into it. You could be waiting a long time. lol

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 11:26 AM | Link to this

Blow Thanks sis.

You’re correct. Don’t get caught up in the butterflies. <— i never really got that.

“Warm fuzzies” inside happen when you workin’ it, seriously.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 11:27 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed my point is, that if two individuals work towards being pleasing to their counterpart, rather than being pleased then it makes for a harmonious relationship.

Your friend’s husband is being insensitive to his wife’s desire/need for rest from sex’n. He’s in default b/c she is going along trying to please him, yet he’s not giving her what she needs, rest. Enter: Compromise

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 11:28 AM | Link to this

dreams if he really truly loves his wife, he wouldn’t have a problem giving her a night off, right? hmmmm.

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this

When there is not a mutually desired level of sexual intimacy in a relationship…that can be a tough one to reason on…as in this case with the husband who wants daily doses and the wife who does not…and true,on one hand if she does not comply he may stray to have those needs met, but on the other she does not wish to have the same frequency of sexual intimacy…wow, there does not seem to be a win-win there…depending on how open and honest they both can be with each other on that subject and areas possible compromise without losing the integrity of the relationship.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this

let me take a moment to officially welcome new readers/commenters/lurkers. I see you joining in and I appreciate you weighing in on our blog topics!

Sometimes people change their screen names, so I got out of the habit of welcoming people by names, LOL.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

February 26, 2009 11:35 AM | Link to this

Swiss Oh man…if it is…there are a lot of promises I will have to keep because I said I would when Hell has a snow day! LOL

Dreams I know you’re not speechless. Let me take your temperature I’m not a baby…stop trying to take my temperature rectally. Wait…that’s no themometer! LMAO

You know I guess I have nothing to say on the topic because I have lost the desire for a relationship. So the thought of putting effort into something I really don’t care about just seems like too much work. If its’ somethign that I want…such as my career then yes I will put my efforts and power into to obtaining and maintaining it.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 11:36 AM | Link to this

mail call Leggs

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 11:38 AM | Link to this

It takes me to tell you how I get gansta bout something when I KNOW someone is really serious about me.

Sister Cee - That’s what I’m talkin bout! Me too!!

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 11:40 AM | Link to this

Sometimes people change their screen names

so who is old wine in new bottle,Diva? Send me the info takpat78@gmail…..

By Beautiful

February 26, 2009 11:42 AM | Link to this

wise ha!

kids, i gotta run. thanks for the great comments.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 11:45 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli ain’t no way in heck Imma take my hair money and buy something for some dude. Just kidding… Aww - that’s so cute you bought your boo some gear ;-)

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 11:45 AM | Link to this

@CEE

But im’a blame you…why?..lol

@cum….word two people with the same goal..and your right the whole passive/aggresive thing that red friend is doing…going to back fire…i mean there is a couple days out the month the women cannot perform intercourse

i tell my women friend all the time..that having a sexual attitude or atmosphere at home sometimes works…do different things…this is where having more than a talent to suck dizzle comes in…you can fill in the space what you want…just knwo men go to the strip club for the setup not just the women

hence ared on the right path with he r pole classes..lol

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 11:50 AM | Link to this

Tazz,mail

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 11:51 AM | Link to this

I don’t find anything wrong with telling your man not tonight in regards to sex, sometimes you just simply aren’t into it. I’m not afraid of a man straying cause he can’t hit it every night…the truth comes to light if he strays his loss. Sex is a compromise also just becasue hes your mate doesn’t mean you have to have your head banged against the head board everynight and I find nothing wrong with letting a bruh know naw baybeh not tonight…but heres a couchie coupon for ta’marrah’ and I’ma put it on you daddy…see problem solved…bet his azz is home early that night…LOL gotta be creative…

By Binford2K9

February 26, 2009 11:52 AM | Link to this

Staceye Maybe you’ll get that desire back one day! Hang out with AR :P

Binford always wonders why some women have problems enjoying sex, while pretty much all guys do not - is it’s God’s Cruel Joke?

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 11:53 AM | Link to this

I know alot of men who DON’T like to get their dycks sucked.. Then What?

By Elijah makes it Happen!

February 26, 2009 11:54 AM | Link to this

To Fee: I luv your comment about putting the real foot forward. When date we go all out and do things we do not consistently do on a regular basis!

Their in-lies the difficulty of retaining a relationship the men ease up on the romancing and the women ease up on the pleasing.

It seems some of the ladies on this blog know what it takes to please and keep a man!

But if you are single do you know what went wrong? Do you have long suffering to make that relationship work?

By Blow Me

February 26, 2009 11:56 AM | Link to this

OFF TOPIC

TO THE LADIES

Do you LADIES watch channel 2 news in the morning 6 am-ish? Have any of you noticed RYAN YOUNG…OMGOSH that man is so dang on fine!!

CARRY ON!!

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 11:56 AM | Link to this

That kinda sh_t can drive a dude crazy. I see you got the right solution though

Dreams That’s exactly my point…I don’t like to be nagged and make it a point not to do it to others. Plus what good is it going to do to kick anyone when they’re down?….then some wonder why he left after things got better for him. Who would want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate them in good times as well as the bad.

AmReD Unless your friend took acting classes her man has to know that she’s not always into it. I think sex should be enjoyed by both parties and not relegated to being a chore. That’s really what it sounds like and that’s not fair to either one of them but especially her. Houston we have a problem

By Juceee

February 26, 2009 11:57 AM | Link to this

Why should you have to RECRUIT someone you already know what you like & dislike smdh

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 11:59 AM | Link to this

Rell I’m just on trip mode, don’t mind me I was pulling your chain.

Lol, naw seriously. If my stello doesn’t work on _. Then I do what I use to keep in my 20’s “charge it to the game”. But there are MANY out there that cain’t get a sister on ”that stuff” if they paid for it. Then, there are some that do, after they have weeded through “mess”.

One silly cat ain’t gonna change me b/c he don’t know how to keep up. For real! If dude starts ackin’ like Luke Skywalker I keep it’ right on movin, write it off and keep livin’. My b-diddy knows and still he’s like DAYUM!

Thanks Tazzee and Kimmie

I’m very thankful.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 12:00 PM | Link to this

I have yet to meet a man that didn’t like his manhood slobbed. However, I am well aware that that, in and of itself is not enough to sustain a relationship.

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 12:01 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Blowme!! He is a friend of mine.. He is single too.. PURE Sweetheart

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 12:02 PM | Link to this

I DO agree Cumfort!!

By lurker

February 26, 2009 12:07 PM | Link to this

Cosign what every one is basically saying. Recruiting is always the easiest, keeping it going is where we meet bumps in the road. Yes, it’s true if you (or your SO) is selfish, there’s a problem. Most cases, the selfish person (or both) don’t really see themselves as being that way. I don’t mind give and take but I don’t do give and give and give and give.

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 12:12 PM | Link to this

I think the greatest challenge is retaining a good partner rather than recruiting one.

The saying what is takes to get me it takes to keep is true. Sorta. We all tend to change one way or the other as we grow. As we change sometimes our views and outlook on certain life and things change therefore possibly creating some turbulence as both partners adjust. You often hear one party complaining to the other “you used to do this, that or the other”. Well changes in life circumstances or mentality can cause us to out grow what we used to do.

All to say, IMO in an effort to retain that perfect mate that you scoped as the years roll pass you have to be willing to grow and evolve with your partner. And that’s for both.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 12:12 PM | Link to this

I have yet to meet a man that didn’t like his manhood slobbed

who is talking ‘bout it???

There are females who dont like sexx or profess not to like it..dnt know if its an act or what. And not every female can do it properly.I mean the slobbing.Some need to practice and perfect that lil act.They will round and twist that thang endlessly to NO GOOD.And u lying there watching her and saying,poor thang,why she not ask her friends about this!!??? It goes a long wayin so far as untangling the morass that may be confusing ur relatiosnhip.That hair down thang as Sassy said yesterday is really key.If u 2 are not footloose and free to talk,enjoy and lavish in the us,u,keep it moving….>>>>

By Kym

February 26, 2009 12:12 PM | Link to this

Good Day All,

I pretty much gave my answer yesterday..but to recap. We all love to say how did you meet? Never how did you two keep from killing each other in your sleep? Relationships take work and most of society today is focused on how to catch them, love them and dump them. Rarely do your read articles on how to keep them. Cosmo and Oprah have articles every other month on find a man or when your man is cheating. Not many on how to make it work when it ain’t working To quote Chris Rock..the money is in the medicine not in the cure. IMHO Society benefits from the breakups,not when folks actually make it work.

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 12:14 PM | Link to this

@kimmie

True, I have been on usajobs.com and there are a plethora of gov’t jobs if a person meets the qualifications…this is for both blue and white collar opportunities…a smack load of stuff…and true too that we are loosing another generation to the critical mass of unskilled or uneducated…trades, degrees…any viably marketing area of knowledge and expertise is vital for continued economic prosperity…a lot of young men here take advantage of getting HVAC techician training in order to increase the renumerative worth they have in the job market once they become union…pay is good for a skilled trade…and in steady demand.

As far as coming back to the A…with the right opp…no doubt…but there are still some ishes of cultural context that I still am not too hot on dealing with again…so we will have to see how the Divine Wind blows.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 12:18 PM | Link to this

@nY….here you go

typical lationship

Guy talking to himself

mayne this bench at home getting on my nerves…i wish she would stop getting all emotional and listen to what i am saying…but anyway i need some stress relieve..i am hitting strokers after work

after work

10 dollars…aiight…and a tip..but you just took my money..whatever here you go…NOW lets see i have a thick chick at home…so i am looking for something a lil slim..AWW there she is….here she comes…..hell yeah i want a dance…but i am not going to show it…going to make her work for it…whats my name…dave….yea my shirt…oo thanks…yeah long day today….yea i need drink…order me one….what i want….vodka tonic…yea i feel a lil better…where i am from, does it matter i just want to come relax and get some a zz rubbed on me….you can do it…yea i want a dance now after this song…lol…typical

so ny if you relax your man….usually thats ALL we want..peace. relaxation..food..then sex….wash rinse repeat!!

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 12:28 PM | Link to this

Rell The difference is you are paying a chick who is motivated by the money that you take out of you and your wifes pocket to act like she gives a dayum when if you didn’t have any money and she saw you on the street she wouldn’t give two hair flicks about you or rubbing on your dyk. If thats what you like to have to pay a woman to give a rip then so be it..meanwhile your wife is at home getting some peace from ya azz…..pricell..but hey its all about perspective…LOL

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 12:34 PM | Link to this

Rell

usually thats ALL we want..peace. relaxation..food..then sex….wash rinse repeat!!

I consider myself a reformed tomboy b/c actually was a hard core one growing up but also b/c I have more male friends than female ones and men really do talk when it comes to that. When they talk, I listen, and that is usually what I hear.

M’Karyl

8but there are still some ishes of cultural context that I still am not too hot on dealing with again…so we will have to see how the Divine Wind blows*

If you don’t mind please expound on that point please….however if it’s of a painful or personal matter then don’t. Hope you get the job at the CDC :-)

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 12:37 PM | Link to this

The D I can rock with your “What I am saying…” point all day long. However, it usually seems that when speaking of happiness, it’s not looked at as what it takes for US to make Each Other happy, rather she wants all of this out of me to make her happy. Maybe I’m just always looking at situations with my head tilted to the side? So I get lost on how it matters if I give 61% to your 35% today & next week you give 70% to my 25. Math is off not only cuz I spell better than I count, but mostly cuz the majority of the time, no matter what, 100% happiness is unattainable. But you can luv the hellz outta however much you can grab of it.

melo Funny you circled back to the above subtopic b/c this thought was eaten by the blog yesterday. It’s high comedy that you’re lobbyin for f****** lately. Just last spring, summer or fall, I forget when you couldn’t fathom the thought of your sweets performing that. Not someone you actually cared about! You were outraged. Perhaps in honor of Black History Month you’ve re-evaluated how far we’ve come as a people and chose to celebrate in this way…

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 12:37 PM | Link to this

M’karyl - Cool, sounds good about the training, cause everybody is not cut out to be a scientist or a doctor, but you gotta have SOME skills or training in SOMETHING!

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 12:38 PM | Link to this

right jazzy!!!

figured you would take that angle..typical

motivated by the money

we as humans are motivated to get money or sex ….replication and survival

the point was to highlight that men go to get catered too…period….and from listening to some women as of late..they have no plans of doing it…its a war going on but no one sees it

By Kym

February 26, 2009 12:41 PM | Link to this

This might bring about controversy on this blog but hell that is not new..I think folks marry for all the wrong reasons these days. If you are marrying for love, that’s the wrong reason. I don’t mean you can’t be in love with old guy or gal but if you love is all it is going to take to hold the ship together..you might want to jump ship now. Same applies for those who want to get married to be complete and happy.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 12:41 PM | Link to this

I have more male friends than female ones and men really do talk when it comes to that. When they talk, I listen, and that is usually what I hear.

THANK YOU, i knew that i was not crazy…i still pee standing up..so i know what da it is i think….chicks kill me always talking down on a real issue..covering it up with more black women propganda

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 12:47 PM | Link to this

lurker I was talking to one of my friends about the give and take in marriage and was telling her how the quickest way to ruin a relationship is having your partners actions under the microscope trying to make sure you are not doing or giving more than him. There is always a time when one may be a step ahead of the other but the key is that in a good relationship it balances out over time. But you should not be keeping a score card on each other.

One example I gave her was how Mase and I pay 50/50 into our personal joint household account. We don’t pay the same amount in dollar value, but we both pay 50% of our net income into the account. That system has him paying more into the account than myself in dollars but we both agree that we are paying equal amounts. He don’t compare his dollars to mine he just upholds a reasonable agreement that we made for household spending. It’s a 50/50 agreement.

That’s just one example. Of give and take.

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 12:49 PM | Link to this

@Jazzyone -…difference is you are paying a chick who is motivated by the money that you take out of you and your wifes pocket to act like she gives a dayum… My ex would TELL me all the time that the chicks in the porn movies have it made. They’re getting paid for what they like. I always laugh that foolish laugh saying if you think those chicks are enjoying themselves you’re crazier than I thought. Most are wearing fake smiles and hardened hearts. If that’s your paycheck you better act like you enjoy if you want to continue to get gigs. He always said I don’t know what I’m talking about. Cool!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 12:49 PM | Link to this

Ha! mytwocents. Black History trubune was funny.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 12:53 PM | Link to this

when you couldn’t fathom the thought of your sweets performing that. Not someone you actually cared about! You were outraged

Circle back coz I missed ur point,twocents!

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 12:55 PM | Link to this

Leggs fuh real..all they get is a million miles and a hole that would swallow texas and all the cattle in the state. I’m not hating on them its a billion dollar industry but happiness for all it does not make…much bank yes..but is that all they get..nay say I.

Rell* see you had to go left with the angry-ness its all about perspective like I said and most of my friends are male for over 20 years and your points are not what motivates them in life there is so much more.

A woman doesn’t just go off on you about nothing, it is obviously more complicated than that..but hey do what you do boo…but let ya tell we are all crazy..cool..not mad at your persepective but trust it we all have one, don’t hate it.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

February 26, 2009 12:56 PM | Link to this

Binford always wonders why some women have problems enjoying sex, while pretty much all guys do not - is it’s God’s Cruel Joke? ** Benny…I think it is a cruel joke! I mean how much can you punish us for what Eve did? LOL

Sassy Maybe Ared’s friend had sex with him when she really didn’t want to and that can cause the breakdown. I have had boyfriends where I prettey much gave them pacifier sex…that was to shut them up and make them leave me alone. That was was the demise of our relationship. I became turned off and no longer felt anything but disguse for them. So there is a such thing as too much sex. I think it is appreciated, valued and enjoyed more when it is not done too much.

Cumfortable Ihave yet to meet a man that didn’t like his manhood slobbed. Me neither girl! LOL

Rell LOL you stupid!

If you are marrying for love, that’s the wrong reason Kym I agree! LOL Love is a farce!

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 12:57 PM | Link to this

Leggs and laughing at the all the way to the bank with the fools money while they go back home to the same madness they just paid to preocupy themselves with..LMAOFF!!!!!

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 12:58 PM | Link to this

Kym I will agree and disagree with your statement. Outside of marrying out of a feeling of obligation (pregnancy), one of the worst and wrongest (lol) reason to get married is for what feels like love. People tend to be blinded by what feels like love. After smoke clears and the honeymoon is over there has to be more.

Loving someone versus having a feeling of being in love…

One of the greatest lessons to be learned is love is action not a feeling.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 1:02 PM | Link to this

we as humans are motivated to get money or sex i wld say money and sexx,well as far as im concerned.But i get ur greater point.. Rell

I believe a lot of women slip up when it comes to delivery,once they get hitched.Iam very candid with my queen.U better step up coz the kids etc wl not make me stay if u dont put ur act tgether.U gotta cater to my needs,Im NUMERO UNO….She didnt know how to wrk that neck,but courtesy of uall crazies at her job and some etra tutorial,she got the hook up!…..

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 1:04 PM | Link to this

my point is, that if two individuals work towards being pleasing to their counterpart, rather than being pleased then it makes for a harmonious relationship.

Comfort, I get that.

The thing is, but there are times when your happiness WILL conflict with your mates.

In the case of my friend. He can give her PLENTY of nights off. But that’s still not gonna help him when he’s sitting there frustrated. He can’t help his natural desires. So he starts letting her dictate the sex schedule, then HE grows unhappy. What if he wants it everyday and she only needs it twice a month? The can split the difference and compromise, but someone is still going to be frustrated.

For now, it works for her because it’s something she can do and she’d rather do that and make him happy then have him go outside their marriage.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 1:05 PM | Link to this

Why helloooo there.

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 1:07 PM | Link to this

@Sassy

The level of cultural racism and perceptual discrimination in a post-Jim Crow Southern culture is what I am referring too…a contextually different type of racial discrimination based on identity devaluation in a post-segregated society where the paradigm of race, class and gender run tandem to asymmetrical place and position value of place and position value…and I am in the process of operationalizing “cultural racism” and “perceptual discrimination” as it applies to a regional based behavior.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 1:12 PM | Link to this

Hi SlimOne! Good to read you, hope things are going well :)

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 1:12 PM | Link to this

Ladies - Don’t be scared to love because you’re scared he’ll leave. Lifes short. Have yourself a ball.

Slim It “feels” like you gonna say some’n hilarious! Lol…What?

i could be wrong

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 1:15 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed how often did ur friend give it to him be4 they were married? Did they marry as virgins? If not,what happy equilibriun did they have prior,be4 the marriage? Smetimes pple wll get into relationships and marriage for the wrong reasons and with the wrong party.Be true to urself.Dont be attracted to the guy,want to make him babies and disguise ur dislike for some of his antics,simply coz u wanna feel happy and show off being hitched to that man.That wl back fire. If u dont like sexx,tell him.But then again,kiss the realtionship good bye.A lot of females dont wanna be poked dwn there.Say it to him,instead of hiding that important fact,untill its too late.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 1:16 PM | Link to this

Slim - You got any Creme Brulee? don’t want any lunch today. just sumthing sweet.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 1:17 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva things are going, not sure if that’s bad or good though.

In my Arnold aka Gary Coleman voice Whatchutombout Cee?

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 1:22 PM | Link to this

based on identity devaluation in a post-segregated society where the paradigm of race, class and gender run tandem to asymmetrical place and position value of place and position value..eh,eh,eh,Michael Dyson,thats who u are M’Karyl? If not,u 2 have tangoed,u related,ur reading his book(many) right now or u are a fan of hiz!! OMG!!!!!,what does that mean??…smdh

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 1:23 PM | Link to this

Or is it Eric.Mike Dyson???

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 1:24 PM | Link to this

Cee I don’t have any Creme Brulee but I do have some ranch dressing and an old tangerine in the fridge. I just might be able to whip you up a lil sumin sumin

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 1:27 PM | Link to this

melo, I know they did the do before marriage and I’m pretty sure she knew what kind of appetite they had before the “I do’s.”

And they don’t have any kids and probably won’t be having so she can’t use em as an excuse. LOL

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 1:37 PM | Link to this

Slim, Reccession is not at your house. Is it? But i like tangerines. Lol I’ll take it.

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 1:42 PM | Link to this

Sister Cee/Blog - I am looking for a good, old-fashioned yellow layer cake recipe. I have a recipe that is just okay, but it does not “knock out of the park” like my other cakes. This is the only thing I’m missing in my baking arsenal. I know I will tweak it to make it my own, but I need a good basic recipe. Help anybody?

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 1:46 PM | Link to this

quickest way to ruin a relationship is having your partners actions under the microscope trying to make sure you are not doing or giving more than him. There is always a time when one may be a step ahead of the other but the key is that in a good relationship it balances out over time. But you should not be keeping a score card on each other.

WRITE A BOOK…cause that right there is GOLDEN advice

@jazzy

while they go back home to the same madness they just paid to preocupy themselves with..LMAOFF!!!!!

i wonder why it has to be like that….why do women grow an azz on there shoulders just because they feeling a certain way about s**…again its all some BULL S**

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 1:51 PM | Link to this

Cee speaking of recession we ate at Ruby Tuesday’s last night with a buy on entrée get one free coupon from the Sunday’s paper. We also have some $ off coupons for the Macaroni Grille, The Olive Garden and some place called the Spaghetti Warehouse. I never heard of that one. But we will be taking advantage of the savings offered.

We also took the Kroger sales paper along with the newspaper coupons and made out the grocery list for this week. We are in a saving frenzy.

By Jamoca

February 26, 2009 1:52 PM | Link to this

Love ya’lls comments and I agree with most.

Why do we leave a relationship that we worked so hard to have?

That’s a good question. It just seems to me, folks back in the day pretty much “put up with” (aka endured) a helluva lot more from their mates/spouses…whether or not one or both disobeyed the marriage and/or betrayed their partner(s). So my only conclusion to that reasoning, is the pros must’ve outweighed the cons…since I definitely am curious to know: What made them stay and work things out? Then how?

I’m just saying, it seems these days, we’re ready to jump ship over the littlest disagreements and/or flaws, and by simply not asking for what we want, but rather complaining about what we’re not getting. Then there’s an issue of compromise….need I go on? Could it be like some of the old heads say —-> “the wiser our generation becomes, the weaker it gets?” Folks today are just not as hell-bent on sticking it out, b/c it only takes a single warning of a storm approaching and the captain’s struggling his damn self, the crew be damned and therefore can/will be replaced… let’s all jump ship.

But then, more and more folks wanna be chief <——- too many of those as well and not enough indians. IMO

Along with that, I also believe until we start finding value (in our potential SO’s) for who they are, (which is a reflection of ourselves), and not so much with the mentality of what “they can do for you”, we will keep running from one reflection of ourselves to another. We are the only common denominator(s) in all of our relationships, and everywhere we go, our issues will follow.

We get back, what we put in …and a balled fist has little to no room to receive ANYTHING…like we all know nothing from nothing, leaves absolutely nothing. And I believe a thriving relationship with potential is worth every battle.

Just remember to keep your finger on the pulse or one day you’ll wake up and realize there is none.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 1:54 PM | Link to this

I am looking for a good, old-fashioned yellow layer cake recipe.

Look at chu’.

Kimmie – You are playiing with my emotions, chic!!!

I’m not big on baking. But I will tell you if you looking for more moisture in the cake use Land O Lakes butter. And if you are looking for a slamming icing mix use vanilla pudding and lemon juice.

Gurl I cain’t be sharing my recipes! Lol…Naw

Do you already have a basic yellow cake recipe?

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 1:56 PM | Link to this

@Melo

That is all M’Karyl…not Dyson there bro…just me.

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 1:57 PM | Link to this

I know this is somewhat on topic. I want to play devil’s advocate. Am I the only one who doesn’t quite understand “scheduled” sex? It seems to take the fun out of the act itself. To know next Wednesday @ 8:33 p.m. I’m making love w/my husband can make me giddy, but can also make me resentful because I may not be feeling it at that time and day? So, to honor my agreement with the scheduled I have “fake the funk.” As Rell or ARed stated, don’t you think the man will still be unhappy once he senses I’m not giving my all cuz my body is there, but my mind’s on the other side of town (a song in case you youngins don’t recognize the verse LOL).

By kimmie

February 26, 2009 1:59 PM | Link to this

Sister Cee - Thanks for the suggestions. I have a basic recipe, it’s just not slammin like my other cakes & baked goods. I throw down on everything but the yellow layers. I love Land o Lakes, but I get butter cheaper at Costco/Sams. I guess I will get some LoLakes just for the yellow cake, maybe that will make the difference. I have icings down pat too, but I’ll try that pudding & juice mixture, sounds good!

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 2:02 PM | Link to this

* We are the only common denominator(s) in all of our relationships, and everywhere we go, our issues will follow.*

you should have doubled posted that sh i t

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 2:04 PM | Link to this

melo In my bufoonery, I believed I could use the actual word fell.a.tio to transport us back into your thoughts. But slobbin, bj or what have you is clearly more appropriate for our moderators. It serves no purpose to have an eensy bit of couth. Lawdamercy!

Cemeeli Surely I’m not the only one who can recall that moment in Zulu history. And I can tell u put a lil extra guava in them smoothies this week. got my eye on u

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 2:04 PM | Link to this

I heard the Spaghetti Warehouse is nasty

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 2:05 PM | Link to this

melo In my bufoonery, I believed I could use the actual word fell.a.tio to transport us back into your thoughts. But slobbin, bj or what have you is clearly more appropriate for our moderators. It serves no purpose to have an eensy bit of couth. Lawdamercy!

Cemeeli Surely I’m not the only one who can recall that moment in Zulu history. And I can tell u put a lil extra guava in them smoothies this week. got my eye on u

By Jamoca

February 26, 2009 2:09 PM | Link to this

you should have doubled posted that sh i t

We are the only common denominator(s) in all of our relationships, and everywhere we go, our issues will follow

No problem Rell …there ya go (lol)

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 2:11 PM | Link to this

Raqi I advise you to not use the Spaghetti Warehouse coupon. Actually forget you even saw that name. yea, it’s that bad

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 2:13 PM | Link to this

don’t you think the man will still be unhappy once he senses I’m not giving my all cuz my body is there,

Leggs, I didn’t say that. I plan to have a hot meal and clean house for my family, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna like doing the Suzie Homemaker thing. Even still it needs to be done.

Heck, half of us are at work when we’d rather be doing 50-11 other things. You think your boss really cares if you’d rather be somewhere else? The work (job) still needs to be done.

If she was aware of his sex drive before marriage, she knows what she was getting into. It’s not like he’s raping her. I doubt married couples are always on the same page when it comes to sex 24/7 anyway.

By M'Karyl

February 26, 2009 2:14 PM | Link to this

@melo

BTW, that second place and position was a redundant error…lol

By M.

February 26, 2009 2:19 PM | Link to this

Do you think that relationships today focus too much on what the other person brings to the table instead of what we each bring to a relationship?

One of my favorite podcast/authors is Tariq Nasheed, and in his book, he mentions that women should bring more to the table than just that one thing. I agree with him, and I think everyone should expect more in a relationship besides one thing that is supposed to keep them stable because what happens when that thing is gone (money, looks, career, etc?) This goes for males and females Think about it….

Off topic

Our company did a 10% layoff today. It is a Blessing because my team was not affected.

By NYCUTIE-www.Atlantasfinest.yuku.com

February 26, 2009 2:20 PM | Link to this

I agree Leggs, that would be real WACK..

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 2:23 PM | Link to this

Rell yeah I can feel that cause delivery is everything and no one listens when someone else is mean mugging them or disregarding the others feelings and that goes for men and women. We all have qualities that can rub another the wrong way when we are angry or have clouded vision…communication is key as well as the delivery…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

February 26, 2009 2:25 PM | Link to this

Kimmie Leggs is notorius for recipes….she may have sumthin’ fer ya!

Raqi I signed up online for coupns sites to send me weekely emails with deals and coupons in them. Not to mention…if you order stuff online the shipping can be a B*TCH. So to save any money on it…Google the site along with either promo codes or coupon codes and you will be taken to many discount sites to give you a code to type in and save anywhere from 5%-50%. Hey every bit helps.

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 2:25 PM | Link to this

mytwocents Haaaaaayyyy! lol

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 2:25 PM | Link to this

mytwocents i think ur re-collection is faulty.I cannot fathom not accepting the fav from a female.Ever.But doing the recipro is maybe qstionable.

I doubt married couples are always on the same page when it comes to sex 24/7 anyway personally,my johny wont even come to attn,if there is a murmur of not wanting to go there.But do that a cpple of times in a week,im not raping nobody,but my mind is thinking,what is sassy up to right now???? If u really dont feel like having the six course,why not just pay johnny a courtesy call and we call it a nite??!!! Coz finguring me and just cupping my balls and fiddling, is not cutting it,im grown.Give a child some water and give daddy some beer.

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 2:26 PM | Link to this

In essence you, or whoever it wasd did say that. Of course we are at work when we don’t want to be. We come to work because we want to continue to receive a paycheck, not because our bosses want us here. With a husband, you want to please him but are you really if you’re more often than not “faking the funk” due to a scheduled sex life? Are you really making him happy if he senses you’re not really into it. Some marriages operate on a scheduled sex life and I was just curious on the opinions of others.

By i'm swiss

February 26, 2009 2:26 PM | Link to this

“I doubt married couples are always on the same page when it comes to sex 24/7 anyway”

AmRed — Probably true. To be honest, I would actually be a little nervous about being with a girl whose desire for sex was as strong as mine. I imagine it would be a lot harder for a woman to remain faithful than for a guy, given equal sex drives. I mean for me, as long as I don’t pursue strange p-dussy, it’s most likely not going to be plopped in my lap (pun intended). So as long as I don’t do anything, I’m probably safe. But for women, they’re having to turn down a good 10-15 dycks per day, at least — possibly more for the smoking hot chics. I’m not sure if I would have that kind of willpower — to turn down good p-dussy being thrown in my face (pun intended once again). LOL

By Jazzyone

February 26, 2009 2:27 PM | Link to this

Sometimes you have to put hooking up with your mate off to a more appropriate time..sometimes qucikies just dont do it… but if you finesse the situation the right oh..ya man will be on point and stand at attention no matter what..and it goes both ways…life is so busy sometimes with family, life and all that coems with it that you can’t get down when you want to ..so i wouldn nec call it scheduling just finessing to when you can make it happen….

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 2:30 PM | Link to this

Staceye, you beat me to the punch…I’m going through my recipes right now cuz I can’t recall it off the top of my head….sssshhh!!!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 2:34 PM | Link to this

In essence you, or whoever it wasd did say that.

Leggs, no I didn’t say that, in essence or any other way because I don’t agree with the assessment.

I don’t believe that just because you don’t want to do something you’re miserable in doing it. I do things all the time for people I love and enjoy it because it makes me happy, even if I would have spent my time doing something else.

There is an easy solution to her problem, so clearly it’s not bad enough to make her want to leave or stop doing it. Maybe the intimacy of being with her man makes it worth it. Even times when I don’t get to the mountaintop during sex, it’s always enjoyable for me, even if it’s more enjoyable for him cuz he got there. LOL

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 2:35 PM | Link to this

i’m swissI have a very high sex drive and luckily for me my man can accommodate my needs. Although, his is probably a lot higher than mine, b/c mine is above average (for most women) he’s often found smiling in his sleep and got no complaints…nadda nan!

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 2:38 PM | Link to this

Ok ARed. I don’t think being “miserable” and “faking the funk” equates equally—->so clearly it’s not bad enough to make her want to leave or stop doing it. Exactly, and when it gets to that point then the word “miserable” would be appropriate.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 2:38 PM | Link to this

I would actually be a little nervous about being with a girl whose desire for sex was as strong as mine Not me..u blessed homie.If shes stronger,naturally ofcourse then im getting duced up,like A-Rod so we balance out.I actually pray for that kinda of situation. Thats why i feel the red necks in power at the dome change the laws a lil bit,so men like me can have legal,lil houses.One woman wont do it.GA and them southern states are a lil removed from modern civilztion anyway so polygamy wont be too much of a stretch.(re-M’KARYL)..jk..

By lurker

February 26, 2009 2:39 PM | Link to this

Raqi quickest way to ruin a relationship is having your partners actions under the microscope trying to make sure you are not doing or giving more than him. There is always a time when one may be a step ahead of the other but the key is that in a good relationship it balances out over time. But you should not be keeping a score card on each other Agreed

I was thinking about ARed’s oversexed friend’s dilema and I can empathize. I think we all know the dictionary’s definition of compromise but really it’s a natural ebb and flow. No tally strokes. When there’s an imbalance of any one thing and one person benefits, at some point you start to notice the scales are tipped. I lived with then boyfriend about 2 1/2 years and sex for him, was top of the heap. Almost everyday, couple of times a day, couple times a round, consistantly. After a few years of that, I was oversexed and ready for a sabbatical. Some days I was getting my skirt lifted while unlocking the front day….geez. His definition of living? Great Sex, good eating, a lot of sex, a lot of drinking much sex and hanging out. Grant it we were young but you start to want more out of life than that. No doubt had I not dropped off we’d still be going at it. Sad thing? He still rolls like that.

By i'm swiss

February 26, 2009 2:44 PM | Link to this

CUMfortable — (there, I said your name… and I liked it) Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a woman with a high sex drive — just not higher than mine. Though, now that I think about it, I’m not sure how that’s possible… trying to think of any circumstance where I wouldn’t be down for some play & nothing short of acute “johnson-itis” is coming to mind.

I’m just saying, if the chic wants it more than the dude — there’s gonna be problems. (Not to even mention that ladies do not take rejection well at all — “What do you mean you don’t want to phluck me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”) LOL

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 2:54 PM | Link to this

Some days I was getting my skirt lifted while unlocking the front day….geez. His definition of living? Great Sex, good eating, a lot of sex, a lot of drinking much sex and hanging out

now,that was off da chain!!!OMG! Was it the sexx that made u quit or it was the lack of a long term commit,leading to smething?

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 2:59 PM | Link to this

i’m swiss I knew that you would like it (smile…wink) For whatever reason fellow bloggers prefer to call me out of my name (i.e Comfy, etc). Clearly, there are some mental blocks there, but its all good. Just makes you wonder, if you can’t even type it…..hmmmmm…LOL

Where is Truth? Come from in the bushes man (pun intended), we need your commentary pimpin….LOL

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 3:02 PM | Link to this

*I’m not sure if I would have that kind of willpower — to turn down good p-dussy being thrown in my face (pun intended once again). *

I’m swiss How do you know its good p-dussy unless you try it first. All salmon in nice packaging ain’t fresh or top shelf. From what I hear, a lot of supposedly ‘dimes’ have whack puddy, but i wouldn’t know since i don’t do girls.

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 3:05 PM | Link to this

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a woman with a high sex drive — just not higher than mine. Though, now that I think about it, I’m not sure how that’s possible

Swiss I’m with CUM on that one,too. As a matter of fact I’ve in my last relationship we had that issue ‘cause I wanted it alot and he didn’t. I mean if all a woman wants is some dk it is quite easy b/c I think men are easy in that regards(you said so as well in your 2:26)

BUT just b/c your woman has a drive that’s higher that yours doesn’t automatically equate to her cheating…that is not unless you’re not handlin thangs.(not an accusation just a point) Yet and still, why would it be a problem?

I’m just saying, if the chic wants it more than the dude — there’s gonna be problems. (Not to even mention that ladies do not take rejection well at all — “What do you mean you don’t want to phluck me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”)

Rejected…that’s never been my experience. Tell me no….. sheeeet.

By i'm swiss

February 26, 2009 3:07 PM | Link to this

“How do you know its good p-dussy unless you try it first”

Slim — That’s an excellent point. You can’t. Now, come on over for your inspection… ;-) LOL

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 3:07 PM | Link to this

Wow Cee it’s that bad, huh?

lurker yeah moderation is the key. You can’t live your life based around one thing and that thing only. He sounds very one dimensional. A nutritious meal consist of a variety of different sugars, carbs, vitamins and minerals, just like relationships are to be balanced in order to thrive.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 3:07 PM | Link to this

a lot of supposedly ‘dimes’ have whack puddy Nawwwwww,shortty!!!!!!!,thats female hate.

By Dan

February 26, 2009 3:09 PM | Link to this

@Slim

Re: your 3:02…since when? j/k

And never let is be said that a woman cannot be turned down for sex.

Happens a lot

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 3:11 PM | Link to this

Now this is evident of recession hittin the kids! I got this email from the coach. Cuttin’ thangs short! Lol

Re: Hello Parents, Coaches, Volunteers and Friends:

Saturday, March 6, 2009 is our last basketball game. We will have an awards ceremony at the conclusion of all games. Trophies, Awards and Chick-Filet Gift cards will be given to each participant. We thank you all for your support in our programs. Thanks once and again for you continued support. Coach K

My son’s been with the league for 5 seasons and we’ve had the Harlem Globetrotters, Asian Jugglers, dance groups, ect. to come out and entertain for the basketball banquets, and catered food.

Coach said – No entertainment, no bourgeois’ food, and all that. Get your trophy, Chic-fil-a giftcard, and go home somewhere! Hahahaha…oh my lamb!

By Dan

February 26, 2009 3:12 PM | Link to this

@Melo

You of all people would understand this

Sometimes its not the puddy, but the sex itself.

And some “dimes” do pass out weak sex. Negating their dime status IMO

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 3:12 PM | Link to this

Melo, it’s not female hate. It’s what a lot of the MLBs have been posting for quite some time now!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

February 26, 2009 3:13 PM | Link to this

Swiss You always make me laugh dude!

“What do you mean you don’t want to phluck me You are right..if a dude turns me down I am go go “Strange’” on him or think he is getting it from somebody else.

Slim swiss How do you know its good p-dussy unless you try it first. All salmon in nice packaging ain’t fresh or top shelf. Girl if that ain’t the “troof”? LOL I have met a guy who appeared to have the “fiyah” Bedroom work…but I was sooooo misled. Girl I felt like Denzel in Malcolm X….”I’ve been hood-winked…bamboozled”! LOL

By i'm swiss

February 26, 2009 3:17 PM | Link to this

“Rejected…that’s never been my experience. Tell me no….. sheeeet.”

Sassy — While I was in college, I dated this one chic & we went at it like bunnies. I mean all the time. I actually failed a class once, because I decided to keep on phlucking her rather that get out of bed & go to my final exam. No joke.

But once during my senior year, I was working on a major paper for one of my lit classes that was due the next day — major as in I wouldn’t graduate if I didn’t get this thing done. This girl starts in wanting some attention & I had to tell her not now. I thought her head was gonna explode! LOL She could not believe it — chic threw a tantrum like I’ve never seen.

By lurker

February 26, 2009 3:19 PM | Link to this

MELO-now,that was off da chain!!!OMG! Was it the sexx that made u quit or it was the lack of a long term commit,leading to smething?

MELO Now why was that off the chain? Too much fun with no substance. He could outdressed, outstep and outdance the best of them. Money was never a problem in showing you a good time but he was too whimsical. I was getting introduced to things/acts I didn’t know existed. Then I started to think, okay what else is there. I’m okay living in the moment sometimes but heck not every moment in life should be spent living on a whim. No it was long term but that would have been a long time going nowhere. He started feeling like dead weight. He was hard to shake. Was still showing up a couple years after we were done…out of the blue.

By For Real

February 26, 2009 3:23 PM | Link to this

Leggs you want to please him but are you really if you’re more often than not “faking the funk” due to a scheduled sex life? Are you really making him happy if he senses you’re not really into it. - Listen up ladies here is the problem right here you want to please him but are you really if you’re more often than not “faking the funk”

Now lets break this down. (i) First your aim is to please HIM. Which would intell you knowing what actually pleases him and not what pleases YOU.

Ex:

Chick: What do you want for your bday?

Dude: I want xyz video game!

Chick: What? Why? Don’t you want something else? I’ll get you anything you want.

Dude: I want xyz video game!

Chick: I’ll get you something better than a video game.

Dude: I don’t want anything else. I want the video game.

Chick: Okay.

Bday comes and Chick plans this elaborate romantic night out on the town.

Chick: This was a wonderful Bday huh?

Dude: Yeah it was.

Chick: See I knew you would enjoy this better than a video game. Where are we going?

Dude: Game Stop!

LADIES DON’T IMPOSE WHAT PLEASES YOU ONTO WHAT PLEASES YOUR MAN! LEARN WHAT HE LIKES! LET ME REPEAT THAT… LEARN WHAT HE LIKES!! OR AT THE VERY LEAST LEARN WHAT HE DOESN’T LIKE!!

PART DEUX COMING UP

By C tha 1

February 26, 2009 3:24 PM | Link to this

Soooo, Cumfortable and Sassy since you two claim to have high sex drives, do any of you care to quantify that term? In a committed relationship how many times would you get your groove on in a week? Alot of people like to say they have a high sex drive, but that’s all subjective.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 3:25 PM | Link to this

You of all people would understand this Ive had my fair share of sloppy sexx.Its not about it but the relationship.When ur minds lock and u all go full throttle,no sloppy sexx,dime or not.

And a lot of what u having during ur non-committal days is proly u and ur ever eager angst,huffing and puffing that back and buttocks, on a supposedly dime, whilst she has other issues on her mind.Not necessarily sloppy as in ability,but yeah in ur sense.

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 3:26 PM | Link to this

I actually failed a class once, because I decided to keep on phlucking her rather that get out of bed & go to my final exam. No joke

Sounds like she had that thayow lol….but on the real I wouldn’t mess with a man’s education just to get some wood. If I knew you had a final I would’ve made you go and take the test and promise to do that thing you like afterward. Gotta keep it in perspective

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 3:29 PM | Link to this

i’m swisher sweet (said in my David Allen Grier voice) Don’t tempt me! I’m at that point in the month where Is hungry for MEAT! lol

Dan I must say I’ve gone through the irritation of my dude not wanting it as much as me. Had me wondering who the hayo he was getting it from. He’d tell me he was tired and I’d wait like a trained hunter until he went to sleep and like a lil fish nibbled on his…..”We’ve interuppted your regularly scheduled program to advise you have just a few days to obtain a digital box converter before the analog will be switched to digital…Now back to your program.”

2e’s Yep, i’ve been there done that too. WACK WACK WIGGETY WACK with a thumbs down and a boo boo face. Sometimes its better to just visualize it in your head and go bullet on yourself. Btw, anybody seen my economy sized box of batteries and my case of midgets like jello pudding pops p-orn?

By MusingLee

February 26, 2009 3:31 PM | Link to this

For Real Man you crazy..LOLOLOLOL

But you are right!

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 3:33 PM | Link to this

For Real your afternoon cliff notes are pricesless!! But you also raise a good point that most women have to learn the hard way (myself included), but once I get it I got it.

I did something very similar to your parody and he never again told me anything he wanted. His standard answer from them on would be “get me whatever you want me to have” or “surprise me” because he just gave up on me hearing him. That was the beginning of our demise. 2.5 yrs later, I get it!!

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 3:34 PM | Link to this

My question is are you really pleasing him. What I’m saying is you’re doing more harm than good!

By Sassy Me

February 26, 2009 3:40 PM | Link to this

C I’m into the physicality of a man’s anatomy/body and I’m very visual so if we’re together then anything is possible. Sometimes it start as soon as he walked into my place or vice versa…could be at the park at night,the back seat sh_t as long as no one is looking why not? Part of my personality has some exhibitionism in it that usually coincides with sex so when the mood hits I strike when the iron’s hot.

Alot of people like to say they have a high sex drive, but that’s all subjective

Okay and then what?…….

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 3:44 PM | Link to this

Okay folks, had a brief discussion with a buddy that said its too hard to please chicks sexually. Do you find this to be so or is it too hard to tell if you REALLY are since so many women fake it?

We all know that one thing that might knock it out the park with Chick A may not work for Chick B. He said the loving doesn’t get really good until the 3rd time and by the 1oth time its stale.

By lurker

February 26, 2009 3:45 PM | Link to this

Leggs-My question is are you really pleasing him. What I’m saying is you’re doing more harm than good!

Nope. From that perspective. You’ll just lose yourself somewhere in the haze of that concept.

By Rell - Since 1972

February 26, 2009 3:47 PM | Link to this

that said its too hard to please chicks sexually.

-false

and no need to keep giving free game..if he thinks that then it will be….i have no problem with that

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 3:49 PM | Link to this

Leggs are you asking are you pleasing him by faking it?

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 3:49 PM | Link to this

lurker, yep. You’re still doing more harm than good…both to yourself as well as to your man!

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 3:50 PM | Link to this

so when the mood hits I strike when the iron’s hot wheeeew OKAAAAY!!!! u got my 2-way right???

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 3:53 PM | Link to this

Why folks talkin about sex like that mad about it?

Lol…I guess it was too much mango and honey, in my smoothie, mytwocents.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 3:53 PM | Link to this

C tha 1 I say my sex drive is high for two reasons, A) I often initiate the sex act and B) I have/can have sex 4 to 5 times a day with absolutely no problem, physically or mentally.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 3:58 PM | Link to this

said its too hard to please chicks sexually i wld submit,its hard going all the way with chics u hardly know.Coz u might become the casualty in that process.Its not hard per see but hard to leave every stat of urs satisfied coz what u do to this one,u cant necessarily duplicate to the next esp if the encounter is brief. When there is mutual trust,not hard at all coz u communicate….

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 3:59 PM | Link to this

Cee Dang why you had to mention mango, honey and smoothie in the same sentence?! Now a sister got to do 3 hand jobs just so I can afford to go to smoothie king for a dayum Pineapple Surf Smoothie.

Hmmmm I love the way Ildris Elba talks…something about that dayum man, WHEW!

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 3:59 PM | Link to this

Ok my first attempt got ate up, so here it is again… C tha 1 I say that my sex drive it high for two reasons A) I often initiate the sex act and B) I can/have had sex 4-5 times a day with absolutely no problem mentally nor physically.

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 4:02 PM | Link to this

Is the actuality of a high drive determined by the frequency of the want, the intensity of the desire or the ability to perform much? Or a combination of all?

Things that make you go hmmmm.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 4:06 PM | Link to this

For whatever reason fellow bloggers prefer to call me out of my name (i.e Comfy, etc).

Comfy, it’s like Cedrick the Entertainer said on Kings of Comedy… “I’m a grown azz [wo]man dawg, I ain’t calling no other dude Delishious!

I don’t used “cum” in everyday vocab, so I’m certainly not going to start now. I don’t use the “n” word either, so I wouldn’t call anyone that who chose to display it in their moniker.

By For Real

February 26, 2009 4:07 PM | Link to this

Lurker Sad thing? He still rolls like that. - See that’s my point. Why is sad that he is living the way he wants to live? I have said this before and I will say it again. Why can’t women live in the simple things? It seems like women like complicated. Which is why you all tend to clutter your mind with pointless things and then expect your husband/SO to take them as serious as you do.

ex:

Dude: Hey baby how was your day?

Chick: heavy breath Let me tell you..

Dude rolls his eyes and starts the tuning out process.

Chick: Well it started off bad when I heard on the radio that Chris Brown beatup Rayanna and then when I got to work somebody park where I always park (i bet it was that heffa Polaroid) anyway, I walk into the building and all these heffas staring and hatin on me but I said fugg em and got on the elevator (oh I got to remember call LaNexus) umm, oh and I get on the elevator and this trick had the nerve to have on the same fuggin belt I have, I mean dayumm get yo own style right, anyway I tell her I like her belt to let her know that I know she bittin my style, so on my way to put my stuff down how bout this other heffa don went got her hair styled like mines, I’m not fuggin way this has to be the worst day of my life right, I mean what’s going on, so I was like let me get my coffee before these people work my last nerve and low and behold Dashaconnect used the last equal, that skank didn’t even know what equal was until I started using it, I’m like could this day get any worse but you know I’m a trooper so keep it moving until that nasty hoing azz trick Mesothelioma came in with the shoes that I said on yesterday that I wanted, I could have snatch that fake azz ponytail out of her head and then on top of that she all hanging all over Delarious, not that I like him or anything, I mean he fine but not like you but I just don’t like how she be sweatn him and flaughting azz all in his face, hell I got an azz to but you don’t see me doing that with her stankin self. breaving Then I get this email from nail technican that her price for fill-ins are going up, greedy heffer I got to fine me another naillady (Oh let me make a note to myself to bring some cheese to work on tomorrow)……….

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 4:08 PM | Link to this

Melo Yeah he’s talking about the casual sexcapades, not the long term stuff. If you suck on a long term deal then someone isn’t being honest or either both of yall don’t know what the hayo ya’ll doing. Cuz hellifIm going to keep p****** somebody and still be laying there like I just had my teeth cleaned without communicating my unfulfillment. I mean how many times can one get up after you did your thing to grab their bullet to finish it off without you getting a clue?

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 4:09 PM | Link to this

@ Forreal - I jus want a DVD collection of “Good Times” and “The Jeffersons” . If him can get that for me I’ll make sho’ he get the Madden ‘09. Now a sister got to do 3 hand jobs just so I can afford to go to smoothie king for a dayum Pineapple Surf Smoothie.

Slim – Naw sis. I got chu’ covered. I don’t let my sisters go out like that. Now take care of that DVD collection for me, and that’ll even trade.

By C tha 1

February 26, 2009 4:10 PM | Link to this

Is the actuality of a high drive determined by the frequency of the want, the intensity of the desire or the ability to perform much? Or a combination of all?

That’s a nice way to frame the question Raqi.

Cumfortable….what can I say, but Aaaaaaaaaaa ahahahahahahaalllllrrrrriiiiightttytheeeen!

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 4:12 PM | Link to this

Raqi. No, I’m not asking are you pleasing him. I was trying to state facetiously do YOU really think you’re pleasing him by faking. In the long run, you’re probably doing more harm to the relathionship if you keep at this route!

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 4:13 PM | Link to this

Which is why you all tend to clutter your mind with pointless things and then expect your husband/SO to take them as serious as you do. <— who says it is pointless, though? and why should one let someone else determine what is important to them

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 4:13 PM | Link to this

Amazon as I have been reading on and off today I have noticed that the word is not being censored. I used a variation of it last week (cumedy) talking to Staceye adding the “edy” because I thought it would get scratched. But today I see that this new moniker has gotten it thru every time. I guess the ajc is changing.

By For Real

February 26, 2009 4:14 PM | Link to this

Leggs What I’m saying is you’re doing more harm than good! - You started out saying you wanted to please your man right? Why are interjecting your state of mind into your efforts to please him? So, here is my question to you in response to the above statement - Who is being harmed?

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 4:18 PM | Link to this

Why is Under Armor so expensive anyway. Isn’t there a Addidas version cheaper?

Nike Drifit is the same price tag.

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 4:18 PM | Link to this

Raqia high sex drive is determined by the ability to perform as necessitated by said drive. In this case, high usually means frequency.

AmazonRed LOL….ooookay, however, cum is universal, as it applies to both men and women, or at least should. Maybe if you say “Cumfortable” and focused less on the cum part. Get cumfortable with the word…let it roll off your tongue….like……LOL, cracking myself up!

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 4:18 PM | Link to this

I was trying to state facetiously do YOU really think you’re pleasing him by faking

Leggs, faking what though? I think people are questioning your comment cuz it’s not clear what “faking the funk” really means in this situation.

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 4:18 PM | Link to this

For Real why do you keep trying to change women into men?

That’s how we flow, just like you men don’t like the fact that we give you the detailed version of our days - we don’t like the ‘it was aight’ response when we ask how was your day - only to find out later that you almost got into a fight with the dude at Subway for fixing your sub wrong…and I found out because I mentioned the delicious Subway sandwich I had and you flipped…it would have been ‘simpler’ if you gave me the details about your day and I would’ve known not to brag about my delicious Subway sandwich…

Who’s to say what’s the better method?

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 4:19 PM | Link to this

Leggs my answer to that is the only thing that I could see you pleasing by faking is his ego. If his ego is tied to his physical then yeah you may. Other than that, if you ain’t feeling it just let him do his thing and be done. That’s not a bad thing on those rare occasions.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 4:21 PM | Link to this

clutter your mind with pointless things and then expect your husband/SO to take them as serious as you do Its pointless to the bros but not to the sisters.The trick For Real is to just sit there and empathise and listen.Thats what they want.I get an earful smetimes when im watching Chris Mathews.I look at her,as in to pay attn to her but my ear is listening to the show and 1/2 the stuff is getting in and out,the other ear! U got to learn to balance that.If u at least dont give her some modicum of respect and attn,u starting a big storm over nothing and proly wont get sme that night.U snooze,u loose!

By Raqi

February 26, 2009 4:22 PM | Link to this

SayMyName I wasn’t really asking a question, but thanks anyway.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 4:24 PM | Link to this

Maybe if you say “Cumfortable” and focused less on the cum part.

Comfy, no one is typing out long azz names on here. Notice that no one types out AmazonRed. It’s always shortened. I can call you “table” if you want. LMAO

Cuz yeah, I save my “cumming” for the bedroom and don’t need to keep screaming it on the blog. lol It’s just never been an appealing word to me.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 4:27 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva Way to hit the ball back to Freal lololol

Slim now dancing around like P Diddy tombout Take dat, take dat, take dat

For realla trilla Yous a dayum Nut in a hut!!!!!

And then I seen that trick in the bathroom at lunch using the same Crest Whitening toothpaste gel that I use. I mean really!

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 4:28 PM | Link to this

Yeah he’s talking about the casual sexcapades

yeah,its harder!! I cant fathom myself licking evry random,like u do gerlz.U run the risk of bubbles flaring up on ur mouf evry 2 weeks.

Have they not invented the oral condom yet?????????????????????

By C tha 1

February 26, 2009 4:30 PM | Link to this

For Real your 4:07 post was good stuff dude!!

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 4:33 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli TJ Maxx has Under Armour sometimes, you should check there.

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 4:33 PM | Link to this

like u do gerlz

Like u gerlz do!

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 4:37 PM | Link to this

Melo they do have tongue condoms and Dental diem (sp?) I’m not sure the tongue condom really is effective because i’m sure you’ll still have some backwash flowing to the back of that thoat having your tonsils looking like a gizmo when it gets wet. Yuck!

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 4:38 PM | Link to this

I started the entire first post as a question…nothing I’m doing on my own. I don’t have a man!!!!! It was just a topic to be discussed cuz I know people have “scheduled sex.” I don’t!

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 4:39 PM | Link to this

LOL @ the Subway analogy, Tazzee, I love it! Good job honey

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 4:42 PM | Link to this

Raqi I guess you can say that I just felt cumpelled to answer the rhetorical…LOL!

AmazonRedyou’re entitled Hun, just noting an observation is all..LOL

By For Real

February 26, 2009 4:44 PM | Link to this

Wise I get to decide if something is pointless to me just like you get decide to clutter your mind. - For Real now staring at the dark sections of Wise’s breastesteses.

Tazzee I’m not trying to turn women into men. I stop playing god 2yrs ago. However, filling my ear with things that have absolutely no impact on you, your job and more importantly me is just plain selfish. - For Real now taking a bite of Tazzee sub sammich.

Slim Hushupnow and concentrate on the job at hand. (get at hand) eek, ack, ack

Melo I understand what you are saying but that’s why God invited Beer and ESPN.

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 4:45 PM | Link to this

Come on, “faking the funk” simply means “faking the desire to want to have sex at that particular time, faking the O, faking your interest. Mind you this question is nothing about me, just thought I throw out why people do this. Ok, f*!

By Cemeeli

February 26, 2009 4:46 PM | Link to this

Thanks Tazzee. Lol at chu’. My gurl!

By THE MELO

February 26, 2009 4:47 PM | Link to this

SlimOne tongue condom..who using that in here????????????????????

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 4:49 PM | Link to this

filling my ear with things that have absolutely no impact on you, your job and more importantly me is just plain selfish. - OR it can be called being in an adult relationship, in which you do things for one another that you may not necessarily enjoy or prefer, because that is what people who care about each other do.

By SlimOne

February 26, 2009 4:50 PM | Link to this

For Real I just got finished sanding these old cabinets…I’m ready to get to the ‘job at hand’…lol

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 4:50 PM | Link to this

Come on, “faking the funk” simply means “faking the desire to want to have sex at that particular time, faking the O, faking your interest. Mind you this question is nothing about me, just thought I throw out why people do this. Ok, f!*

Leggs, but you brought that into the situation. Doesn’t mean that’s what it is. All I said is that their drives were different. Doesn’t mean that the desire isn’t there just because she’s not initiating sex every night.

I’m just saying I think you inferred more than was there.

By For Real

February 26, 2009 4:52 PM | Link to this

For Real now sticking DVDs of Truck and Tractor Pull inside the DVD case of Good Times and The Jeffersons. - Happy Bday Cee!

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 4:52 PM | Link to this

For Real and to me, you not listening to my brain dump of the day - when you claim you care about me - is just plain selfish. Tazzee now snatching her sammich out of For Real’s reach because he won’t listen to my vent

By Leggs

February 26, 2009 4:53 PM | Link to this

WOW, the blogmaster bleeped out the famous Italian saying of “for get about it, but in the way they say it (lol).

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 4:56 PM | Link to this

ARed Thankfully you’ve conveyed what my eaten post was meant to do. Perhaps if I were employed by Starship or Insurrections and making use of their server, I’d feel differently. Then again, maybe not. Plus, Comfy there’s really no need in me throwin that term out at another chick like that.

melo my memory is in tact. i’ll dedicate some of my free time to research just for you, k. kiss the kiddies.

By mytwocents

February 26, 2009 4:57 PM | Link to this

ARed Thankfully you’ve conveyed what my eaten post was meant to do. Perhaps if I were employed by Starship or Insurrections and making use of their server, I’d feel differently. Then again, maybe not. Plus, Comfy there’s really no need in me throwin that term out at another chick like that.

melo my memory is in tact. i’ll dedicate some of my free time to research just for you, k. kiss the kiddies.

By For Real

February 26, 2009 4:57 PM | Link to this

Wise OR it can be called being in an adult relationship, in which you do things for one another that you may not necessarily enjoy or prefer, because that is what people who care about each other do. - Sooooooo, I to stick my head in an oven that was pre-heated at 475 degrees because I care? Well, if you care about me you wouldn’t fill my ear with such nonsense. Oh and since when did worrying about what someone else has on is consider being an adult?

Slim I don’t care. I like the friction. Just spit on it a few times and we good.

By AmazonRed

February 26, 2009 4:58 PM | Link to this

LOL Leggs, I figured you used the “f word” lol

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 5:00 PM | Link to this

For Real! I don’t know why I let you rope me into a discussion, I forget I can’t stand you! LOL I don’t believe you can speak on this topic anymore as a credible source of info, you need more people.

By Wise Diva

February 26, 2009 5:01 PM | Link to this

Have a wonderful evening everyone, really enjoyed the dialogue today :)

By Cumfortable-Say My Name

February 26, 2009 5:02 PM | Link to this

In the words of the late Bernie Mac, “….and I’m out dis mutha phucka!!”

By Tazzee

February 26, 2009 5:04 PM | Link to this

Well, if you care about me you wouldn’t fill my ear with such nonsense.

and if you care about me - you would listen to what I have to say…

Bump it - we just don’t care about each other!

And….relationship ends. I think this conversation with For Real has brought my initial comments full circle - S4L! LOL!!!

By lurker

February 26, 2009 5:05 PM | Link to this

For Real-Lurker Sad thing? He still rolls like that. - See that’s my point. Why is sad that he is living the way he wants to live? I have said this before and I will say it again. Why can’t women live in the simple things? It seems like women like complicated. Which is why you all tend to clutter your mind with pointless things and then expect your husband/SO to take them as serious as you do.

But living now like you did back then means you haven’t progessed an inch and frankly that ain’t attractive. It’s not a matter exclusive to women. Any partner that wants nothing more than humping and deep stroking…and that’s all…is dead weight. I have no problem with sexing and on a regular matter of fact I like sex…a lot…and nicely done and like obliging but we have to have more going on than that. Living life the way he wants all in the name of going nowhere, being a problem for a woman is complicated how? It seems simple to me. Like I said we started out very young and when we first moved together it was sweet. Getting down in between flipping the slab on the grill, all while naked, with the french doors opened, wind blowing up your butt is allll good, but after a couple years of that I want the wind to blow up my butt from the home we bought and I want the wind to blow up my butt in celebration of the job promotion or we’re celebrating in the nude because of accomplishments or we’re vibing because we’re growing and working through some stuff and expanding. Heck, I ain’t trying to still sign the same lease at the apartment complex 10 or 20 years out from the day we signed and making mention of such is just too much pressure to be more than what you can attain.

By kay

February 27, 2009 1:54 PM | Link to this

NY has the right idea, if crudely put. I’d say that every woman, beginning in 8th grade, should read “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Never mind the movie, but the book should be leather-bound, gilt-edged, and displayed on a easel with a spotlight shining on it in the middle of every living room of every house with a girl over 13 in it. It is the dating bible—it’s veracity and usefulness cannot be overstated. I read it in my 30s and wish I’d read it in high school!! So much pain I could have avoided! Take it from a now-happily-married woman whose husband sends her flowers at work every month—find the guy that’s INTO YOU! Abort all other missions!